Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize