get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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