U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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