he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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