I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i came on her dog
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
