So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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