I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
