Who wears a wallet chain?!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
now i know why i became what i already was.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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