my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
