i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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