Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So. Much. Porn.
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