I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My feet surprised me
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