I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
