Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
