Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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