When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
