Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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