today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
