After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
