Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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