You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
