If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
