he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
