I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
