Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
