Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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