yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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