My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
smell my finger.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Green mimosas i think yes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
