your thong is hanging out like whoa
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
