flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
