Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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