So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
