Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
