What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
