i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
