Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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