Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
