Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
