Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
