It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
