Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
