i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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