i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you win again, gameday.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
