My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
