I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
