I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
