So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
