You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
