I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
