I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My dick has a subreddit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
