So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
