hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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