Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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