I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
