There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
