hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
