She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
