I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
