im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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