I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
