Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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