It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
