I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
