The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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