The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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